Pursuit of True Happiness.
Posted 11-28-2008 at 03:45 PM by >.<
Prolouge:
It was a dark and stormy night where Metaknight's whole family was spending some quality time together, there was nothing that was going to ruin it. Metaknight's son which was indeed a Waddledee, was starting his combat training with his dad. Waddledee normally enjoyed spending time with his father, but sometimes he got to tough on him. His mum always gave him some snacks after his days work of training, but then one day changed him forever. Waddledee will never forget that day, even as a full grown adult his mind will forever stick to it. Waddledee's future was based off that important day, and his lifes memory was ruined by it.
Chapter 1: The solemn beginning.
Waddledee was starting his training with Metaknight one day, but his dad had said something about a special surprise because it was Waddledee's birthday. It was November twenty seventh, the day of the glorious Thanksgiving. When Metaknight called in his co-worker Kirby, he walked in and had something in his hands wrapped up in soft cloth. I asked my father, "what be in their father?" Except, Kirby replied for him; "A special surprise, this is where you combat training get's harder, for you might lose your life from these." I was stunned from his answer, then I trembled a bit. Kirby then handed my the object that was wrapped around with soft cloth. He told me to open it, as I did so something started glimmering. It was a golden edged blade! This is where things were going to get complicated for me, because the only way I would know what to do in a real battle, I'll have to train to find out.
My dad had sent me out to get a carton of milk for his morning cereal the next day. I was leaving but I nearly forgot my edged blade for some serious protection, it was the most important thing for me. I put it in my cartridge, and swung the cartridge around my shoulder so I could pull out my blade quickly, and easily. I then opened the door to dash out, but my dad grabbed my shoulder. He then said "Remember to get some more cereal, you mum ate it all, and make sure it has a prize inside!" I then dashed out the door and chuckled, I then thought to myself "What a nutty father I have." When I got to the store, I grabbed the carton of milk, and the box of cereal that said a prize inside. I went to the cashier and paid the hedgehog the money my mum gave me earlier. I put them in the sack on my other shoulder, I then walked peacefully, until I heard a cry for help. I dashed toward the sound of the innocent shreik and saw a person getting attacked by a horrible monster. It's face was giant and furry, it had huge sharp teeth that could tear through anything, and it's fist were abnormally huge. It was a horrid monster, wait, no. It was the monster father had warn me not to fight, it was...KNUCKLES!
Waddledee grabbed his sword and leaped high above Knuckles, he was going to slash him. Knuckles didn't move or move his deep stare to anything else, he just stood there and chuckled. He then snarled and said "You're the hag's child aren't you?" I gulped and regretted moving toward him, because Knuckles then leaped straight for me and there was no way to dodge him. He then made his giant hands turn into a fist and it glowed, the thing was shimmering with sparks that came from nowhere. As he pulled them back to take a swing at my face something out in the distance was running toward us fast. Knuckles then screeched and took a life punch until that thing jumped. That object was hit by his blow and was sent hurdling towards the ground and was exposed because the hood it wore was up showing it's face. It was waddledee's mum!
Chapter 2 and 3 will be coming out soon!
Chapter 2: That freak!
As soon as Waddledee fell on to his feet on the ground he ran toward his mum who was left lying on the ground motionless. Waddledee couldn't just let her die like this, he had to save her but he couldn't focus because the thought of nearly losing his mum was sad. A moment later two more figures appeared quickly, moving even swifter than his mum did, except they were going around the monster. Then the smaller figure finally appeared as Kirby, but he was leaping high in to the air making sure nobody else was in his path. When he took out his silver blade and slashed the air. As soon as the blade hit the ground, millions of other blades came rushing forward at Knuckles cutting him deeply. Kirby then ran toward him with such speed he had fire surrounding his body, he looked like a comet because he started rolling. He then smacked Knuckles leaving him flying back, it was oddly strange. Waddledee never knew Kirby had such power within him, but seeing this wasn't going to prove anything to Kirby or his father. Waddledee advanced his position and ran toward Knuckles with his blade already out.
It was a dark and stormy night where Metaknight's whole family was spending some quality time together, there was nothing that was going to ruin it. Metaknight's son which was indeed a Waddledee, was starting his combat training with his dad. Waddledee normally enjoyed spending time with his father, but sometimes he got to tough on him. His mum always gave him some snacks after his days work of training, but then one day changed him forever. Waddledee will never forget that day, even as a full grown adult his mind will forever stick to it. Waddledee's future was based off that important day, and his lifes memory was ruined by it.
Chapter 1: The solemn beginning.
Waddledee was starting his training with Metaknight one day, but his dad had said something about a special surprise because it was Waddledee's birthday. It was November twenty seventh, the day of the glorious Thanksgiving. When Metaknight called in his co-worker Kirby, he walked in and had something in his hands wrapped up in soft cloth. I asked my father, "what be in their father?" Except, Kirby replied for him; "A special surprise, this is where you combat training get's harder, for you might lose your life from these." I was stunned from his answer, then I trembled a bit. Kirby then handed my the object that was wrapped around with soft cloth. He told me to open it, as I did so something started glimmering. It was a golden edged blade! This is where things were going to get complicated for me, because the only way I would know what to do in a real battle, I'll have to train to find out.
My dad had sent me out to get a carton of milk for his morning cereal the next day. I was leaving but I nearly forgot my edged blade for some serious protection, it was the most important thing for me. I put it in my cartridge, and swung the cartridge around my shoulder so I could pull out my blade quickly, and easily. I then opened the door to dash out, but my dad grabbed my shoulder. He then said "Remember to get some more cereal, you mum ate it all, and make sure it has a prize inside!" I then dashed out the door and chuckled, I then thought to myself "What a nutty father I have." When I got to the store, I grabbed the carton of milk, and the box of cereal that said a prize inside. I went to the cashier and paid the hedgehog the money my mum gave me earlier. I put them in the sack on my other shoulder, I then walked peacefully, until I heard a cry for help. I dashed toward the sound of the innocent shreik and saw a person getting attacked by a horrible monster. It's face was giant and furry, it had huge sharp teeth that could tear through anything, and it's fist were abnormally huge. It was a horrid monster, wait, no. It was the monster father had warn me not to fight, it was...KNUCKLES!
Waddledee grabbed his sword and leaped high above Knuckles, he was going to slash him. Knuckles didn't move or move his deep stare to anything else, he just stood there and chuckled. He then snarled and said "You're the hag's child aren't you?" I gulped and regretted moving toward him, because Knuckles then leaped straight for me and there was no way to dodge him. He then made his giant hands turn into a fist and it glowed, the thing was shimmering with sparks that came from nowhere. As he pulled them back to take a swing at my face something out in the distance was running toward us fast. Knuckles then screeched and took a life punch until that thing jumped. That object was hit by his blow and was sent hurdling towards the ground and was exposed because the hood it wore was up showing it's face. It was waddledee's mum!
Chapter 2 and 3 will be coming out soon!
Chapter 2: That freak!
As soon as Waddledee fell on to his feet on the ground he ran toward his mum who was left lying on the ground motionless. Waddledee couldn't just let her die like this, he had to save her but he couldn't focus because the thought of nearly losing his mum was sad. A moment later two more figures appeared quickly, moving even swifter than his mum did, except they were going around the monster. Then the smaller figure finally appeared as Kirby, but he was leaping high in to the air making sure nobody else was in his path. When he took out his silver blade and slashed the air. As soon as the blade hit the ground, millions of other blades came rushing forward at Knuckles cutting him deeply. Kirby then ran toward him with such speed he had fire surrounding his body, he looked like a comet because he started rolling. He then smacked Knuckles leaving him flying back, it was oddly strange. Waddledee never knew Kirby had such power within him, but seeing this wasn't going to prove anything to Kirby or his father. Waddledee advanced his position and ran toward Knuckles with his blade already out.
Total Comments 5
Comments
 |  Ooh this is very interesting! >w< |
Posted 11-28-2008 at 04:01 PM by Nintendogirl456  |
| |  This is awesome! |
| Posted 11-28-2008 at 04:48 PM by Zslyder |
| |  Rating so Far =)Ok, for starters great job buddy.=) Prologue-Good way to start out your fanfic. Not the best, it could be worked on, but good job. I like how you focused it with a happy beggining.Also, I like(d) how you bring in Waddledee's training into the fanfic. Plus, I also like how you ended the prologue with the reader asking to himself what's going to happen next, and how will the training change his life forever and how is his life memory going to be ruined by it? Now, you need to explain a little more about Waddledee and give a little more detail on him. Also, what is Waddledee> Is he the name of Meta's son, or is that what he is? You really need to mention that, badly, or it will annoy the readers reading more(like it did to me) of the fanfic because obviously "Waddledee" will be playing a huge part in this fanfic. Also, the way this story is going right now, I suggest that you set it up, in fanfic style, like your other fanfic. This will help the readers to not get confused.The prologue doesn't have that much of this problem, but it does in chapter one. So I suggest you put Narrator: It was a dark and story, etc. Prologue-3/5, pretty good, could use some work though. Chapter 1: The Solem Beggining-First of all awesome way to bring in Waddledee's birthday, and how he got his probably best and most famous weapon. I love the way yhow you did this. (a classic aye ;D) Plus, great way to add humor, with the prize in the cereal. Also, I liked how you did the battle, even though it could use a little more detail and it was rushed in my opinion. And great way to give more suspense that the hooded figure was actually Waddledee's mom out of anyone it could have been. Ok, like I said earlier, great job to bring in Waddledee's birthday and dagger into the fanfic, but your way he goes to the store could really use some work. Describe how the trip to the store was, and what he did, saw, and was thinking when he was on the way there. He didn't just teleport their did he? No, he didn't so that could use some work. Also, you mgith want to describe, or just mention who/what was screaming and a little more on how your character reacted to see the dreadful Knuckles. Pull apart and extract the moment of the battle. Also, you might want to expand the battle scene a little more, but you did a pretty good of a job with the battle scene part. A couple more things, is that, like I said earlier, you probably should put this in a fanfic form, so it won't be so confusing to some of your readers. Plus, there are couple spelling mistakes, but, that can be fixed easily by a quick revision run through. Chapter 1: The Solem Beggining-2.5/5.Which is not bad, but needs some work. Overall- Ok job, but if you want this to be a distinguished piece, then you have a lot of work to do. I suggest that you carry out some of the scenes more and describe more. Also, you might want to use a little richer vocabulary, check spelling, etc. Overall-shaky 3/5. ~Fanfic critique  |
| Posted 11-28-2008 at 09:10 PM by ~NATE~ |
| |  Oshi- Great fanfic bro! Whats a more Epic main character than a waddle dee? My only complaint is that it`s not in a thread,So I won`t know when a new chapter is posted D: |
| Posted 4 Weeks Ago at 11:34 PM by gamefreaker00nick |
| |  Yeah, I'll try to inform you guys. :] |
| Posted 4 Weeks Ago at 11:44 PM by >.< |
Recent Blog Entries by >.<
- Pursuit of True Happiness. (11-28-2008)
- I'm leaving. Reasons are here. (06-12-2008)
