My 18-year-old GF FAQ

Okay, so if you've read ANY of my posts in the past year and a half, you've probably heard about my 18-year-old GF. And it seems like, EVERY time I mention her, people are all like " u hab 18-year-old gf ".

Well, here's a little FAQ about her.

Q: Isn't that illegal?

A: Well, technically, it's illegal for us to do BAD stuff together. In other words, as long as neither of us are sick perverts while on a date, we're A-OK. And since this girl's probably one of the most innocent homeschoolers I've ever met, I don't think I'll have a problem with that.

Q: Have you ever kissed her?

A: I personally think that would go into the "bad stuff" category, but even if it didn't, she's sorta OCD, so she really doesn't like spreading germs like that. As the gentleman I am, I respect that, and if you ever have a date like that, you should, too.

Q: Have you ever cheated on her?

A: VERY good question. You see, I remember once, about a year ago, I just got back from a picnic "date" with my friend, and I called my GF. When she asked me what was up, I told her right off the bat that I just got back from a date with her best friend. While I expected her to be REALLY ticked off, she said that since she's always traveling and we don't get to see each other very often, it's okay to have fun with other girls as long as I'm abstinent.

Q: Say what?

A: Okay, so basically, we believe that, since we won't technically make any commitments until our marriage (which won't be for a LONG time, trust me ), I could still experiment with other girls. Besides, to tell the truth, we just think of these "non-GF dates" as just hanging out with buds.

Q: ... Anyway, when was the last time you talked to her?
A: I know you guys will laugh at this, but the last time I talked to her was in August . Oh well, what you have to understand about her is that, to tell the truth, she's basically a gypsy. She's always traveling, her phone's always breaking down, and it's hard for ANYONE to get in touch with her, even her best friend. In fact, the last time they talked was in June.

Q: I bet she has a Facebook account. Can you link me to it?
A: Well, I personally don't have a Facebook account (I already spent way too much time online), but I know that she does. Still, I can't reveal that (or any other personal information), or else her OCD will eat me alive. The closest thing that I could tell you about her is that her name's Hannah.

Q: Give it up, Azurill; is Hannah REALLY your girlfriend?
A: Yes, she is, but not in the way you'd expect. You see, when you aren't really ready to marry someone (the ideal age is 27, over a decade more than I am now), I think that the typical definition of "girlfriend" doesn't work. It just leads to bad things happening, and she agrees with that even more than I do.

I think of the premature definition of "girlfriend" should be someone that isn't you aren't just in mutual affection with, but is literally timeless to you. For example, Hannah and I have exponentially more in common than any other girl I could think of, so she's at a special "rank" where my job for the next while is to learn more about her and find out if marriage is a smart move. If it isn't, then it isn't really smart to date that person.

Okay, I think that's enough Q and A. Any more questions, guys?