Here Shido, I'll save you the trouble of copying and pasteing MY work.
chapter $
Spoiler
BY THE TIME WE REACHED THE DEEPEST DARKEST SEXIEST PART OF THE ALLY, WE HAD REALIZED IT WAS A DEAD END.
“OSHIOSHIOSHIOSHI” JAMEZ KEPT SAYING.
“WAIT” NINTENDOGIRL SAID. “I CAN CALL IN SUM JETS TO BOMB THEIR SOULJERS.”
AND JAMEZ SAID “DO IT YOU •••••!”
AND NINTENDOGIRL SAID “MMMK”
SO SHE CALLED IN SOME JETS THAT WERE BEING FLOWN BY XERO.
“OWUT I THOUGHT HE WAS MIA” I SAID.
“NAW DEY FOUND HIM LONG AGO” ZENKU SAID.
“ODATS GOOD. I HOPE HE HAS MORE SCREENTIME NOW.” I SAID.
AND THEN THE WRITER SAID “K IM DONE BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL FOR THIS STORY. NO MORE FOURTH WALL JOKES.”
SO THE JETS CAME FAST AND THEY FLEW OVER THE ALLY. THE SOLJOURS OF MT WERE SO CLOSE TO US, I COULD HAVE LICKED ONE OF THEM. GROSS INORITE.
BUT THEN IT GOT ME THINKING. IF THE JETS BOMB THE SOLDIERS (OMG CORRECT SPELLING???!!!) AND THEY’RE SO CLOSE TO US, WONT WE DIE TOO?
“WAIT THIS PLAN WONT WORK!” I YELLED OUT.
“ORLY?” NINTENDOGIRL SAID, AS ONE OF THE SOLDIERS PLANTED A KNIFE INTO HER HEAD.
“WAIT Y R WE SCARED WE HAVE GUNS 2” JAMEZ SAID.
SO WE ALL STARTED SHOOTING THEIR TROOPS. THEN XERO CALLED DOWN “GEWD JOB GUISE, I LOVE YOU ALL. I HOPE I CAN ALWAYS BE IN THIS ARMY”
AND THEN DRAGOOMBA JUMPED UP AND PLACED A DET ON XERO’S JET, AND THEN JUMPED OFF.
“AWWWWWWWW” XERO SAID.
HE PRESSED THE EVACUATION BUTTON BUT WAS TOO LATE AND HE BLEW UP WITH THE JET.
MEANWHILE, WE HAD KILLED EVERY SOLDIER THAT WENT UP AGAINST US, WITHOUT ANYONE DIEING, EXCEPT NINTENDOGIRL, AND JAMEZ GOT SHOT IN THE ARM. DRAGOOMBA WAS NOT PLEASED. SO HE TOOK OUT A GIGANTIC MEGA AWESOME SUPER ULTRA MEGA AWESOME AWESOME SUPER MEGA…ULTRA…SUPER…BAZOOKA!
“CHOKE ON THIS YOU NR ••••” DRAGOOMBA WHISPERED TO HIMSELF FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT.
AND HE FIRED THE BAZOOKA.
“OH ••••” JAMEZ SAID. “QUICK RUN!” AND WE ALL RAN AWAY FROM THE BAZOOKA ROCKET.
“OMFG IM TOO DAMN FAT!” ZENKU SAID. “GO ON WITHOUT ME!”
“NO MAN LEFT BEHIND!” I SAID AND PULLED HIM WITH US.
ZENKU WAS SO HEAVY, WE WERE BEHIND EVERYONE ELSE. THEN, THE ROCKET HIT. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOM.
ME AND ZENKU FLEW OUT OF THE ALLY, AND SLAMMED THROUGH A BRICK WALL AND INTO A CACTUS FACTORY. JAMEZ AND METANIC FOLLOWED US INTO THERE.
AND DRAGOOMBA WAS LIKE “OGOD DAMN WUT DOES IT TAKE TO KILL THESE PEOPLE?!”
IN THE CACTUS FACTORY METANIC SAID “SO, WITH DRAGOOMBA ON OUR TRAIL WUT DO WE DO NEXT?”
“WE SET A TRAP” JAMEZ SAID, AFTER ALL HE WAS THE WISEST OF US ALL.
“YES” I SAID. “WHEN HE WALKS IN, MILLIONS OF CACTUSES FALL ON HIM. THEN HE DIES.”
“GREAT USE OF THE SOURCES AROUND YOU, SHIDO.” JAMEZ SAID. “BUT WE HAVE DETS…LETS JUST BLOW HIM UP.”
“OYA THAT’D WORK TOO.”
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DRAGOOMBA WALKED INTO THE CACTUS FACTORY, AND STEPPED ON THE DET.
“SET IT OFF!” JAMEZ YELLED.
IT WAS ZENKU’S JOB TO SET IT OFF.
“I CAN’T LET YOU DO THAT!” METANIC SAID.
HE KICKED ZENKU AND KNOCKED HIM OUT.
“ :0 “ I SAID. “SO YOU WERE A TRAITOR JUST LIKE NICK?”
“WAIT UNTIL IM DIEING SHIDO, THEN I’LL GIVE MY MONOLOGUE. GOD DAMN.” MATANIC SAID.
AND THEN METANIC TOOK CONTROL OF THE DET. “NOW HERES HOW ITS GONNA WORK.” HE SAID. “ONE UNIMPORTANT CHARACTER WILL STAND ON THE DET. I BLOW THEM UP. SHIDO KILLS ME AND DRAGOOMBA, AND THE CHAPTER ENDS. K?”
AND THEN SHIDO SAID “SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. ZENKU, YOU SUCK, GO STAND ON THAT DET.”
BUT ZENKU WAS KNOCKED OUT. SO EITHER SHIDO OR JAMEZ HAD TO STAND ON THE DET.
“SRRY JAMEZ” SHIDO SAID.
AND JAMEZ SAID “WAIT I CANT GO ON THERE, IM IMPORTANT LATER ON IN THE STORY.”
THEN ZENKU WOKE UP. “AND I CANT GO ON THERE CUZ IM SUPPOSED TO BE KILLED BY---WELL---YOU KNOW.”
“HOW ABOUT WE PUT THE WRITER ON THE DET FOR MAKING SO MANY DAMN FOURTH WALL JOKES.” DRAGOOMBA SAID.
“K” SHIDO SAID.
SO THEN WE PUT THE WRITER ON THE DET. AND THE WRITER SAID “OSHI”
BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. HE BLEW UP. LUCKILY HE HAS 3 STOCK.
THE METANIC SAID “Y’KNOW WUT? SCREW THIS. IM ACTUALLY GOING TO TRY TO KILL THE MAIN CHARACTER.”
AND DRAGOOMBA SAID “KILL THE MAIN CHARACTER? ARE YOU INSANE??!!”
“MAYBE. JUST MAYBE.” METANIC SAID.
AND METANIC TOOK OUT HIS GUN AND SHOT ME RIGHT IN THE FACE AND I DIED. THAT IS, THAT’S WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I WASN’T THE MAIN CHARACTER. WHAT REALLY HAPPENED WAS METANIC PULLED OUT HIS GUN, BUT I ALREADY HAD MINE OUT.
“R U FEELIN LUCKY, PUNK?” I ASKED HIM.
AND HE SAID “IDK Y”
AND I SAID “CUZ IM SELLIN LOTTO TICKETS? YOU WANT?”
AND HE SAID “HOW MUCH?”
AND I SAID “5.00”
AND HE SAID “5.00??”
AND I SAID “HEY MAN TIMES ARE TOUGH”
AND HE SAID “WELL YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE…IM LOSEING MY HOUSE.”
AND I SAID “OH IM SO SORRY”
AND HE SAID “IT’LL BE OKAY. WUT WITH OBAMA IN OFFICE AND ALL.”
AND I SAID “PALIN 2012”
AND HE SAID “OWUT!!!!!!”
AND THEN HE SHOT AT ME. LUCKILY, DUE TO MY MAIN CHARACTER POWERS, I DODGED IT AND SHOT BACK AT HIM. THE BULLET LANDED RIGHT IN HIS CHEST.
“THAT’S HOW WE RAPE, MAIN-CHARACTER STYLE.” I SAID.
THEN DRAGOOMBA SAID “THE MAIN CHARACTER CAN DIE YOU KNOW.”
AND HE PULLED OUT A SHOTGUN AND BLEW MY HEAD OFF. LOL JK. HE PULLED OUT A SHOTGUN AND SHOT ME IN MAH BELLY.
I FELL DOWN AND SAID “….CHOOKE…ON..T-THIS….” ADDING SOME DRAMTIC EFFECT.
AND I SHOT AT HIM. BUT I MISSED.
“WELL LOOKS LIKE YOU LOSE THIS TIME MR. MAIN CHARACTER.” DRAGOOMBA SAID.
THEN JAMEZ CAME UP BEHIND DRAG AND SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD.
“YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE MINOR CHARACTER, •••••!” JAMEZ SAID.
“GUISE, LET’S GO BEFORE WE ALL DIE.” ZENKU SAID.
“GOOD IDEA.” I SAID.
MISSION IN MT TO END WAR: FAILED. BUT WE NOW SAW THEM AS MORE OF A THREAT. AJ WAS DISPLEASED. I KNEW I NEEDED TO MAKE THIS UP TO HIM.
“R U FEELIN LUCKY, PUNK?” I ASKED HIM.
AND HE SAID “IDK Y”
AND I SAID “CUZ IM SELLIN LOTTO TICKETS? YOU WANT?”
AND HE SAID “HOW MUCH?”
AND I SAID “5.00”
AND HE SAID “5.00??”
AND I SAID “HEY MAN TIMES ARE TOUGH”
AND HE SAID “WELL YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE…IM LOSEING MY HOUSE.”
AND I SAID “OH IM SO SORRY”
AND HE SAID “IT’LL BE OKAY. WUT WITH OBAMA IN OFFICE AND ALL.”
AND I SAID “PALIN 2012”
AND HE SAID “OWUT!!!!!!”
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