BY THE TIME I HAD REACHED THE AGE OF 15 THE KWEENS OF BERALL HAD BEEN COMPLETELY DESTROYED. ALL THAT REMAINED IN THE PATH OF NR, WAS KWEENS OF BERALL’S ALLY, MT. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED TO ASHLEE AFTER KWEENS OF BERALL WAS VANQUISHED. SOME SAY SHE SLIT HER OWN WRISTS. OTHERS SAY SHE WATCHED THE LOVE GURU UNTIL HER EYES CAUGHT ON FIRE AND SHE DIED. OTHERS SAY SHE GOT A SEX CHANGE.
DAN HATED THE FACT HE WAS IN THE WAR ALONE. WELL NOT TOTALLY ALONE OF COURSE HE HAD AN ARMY, BUT EMOTIONALLY ALONE…IF THAT’S HOW’D YOU DESCRIBE IT. ALSO, WITH AHSLEE DEAD, HE HAD NO ONE TO SUCK HIS…ERM MAYBE WE SHOULDN’T GO INTO THAT. WELP, ANYWAYS, WITH THE WAR WITH MT GOING ON AND NR CONTROLLING, EVERYTHING EXCEPT MT AND SWC, THE WORLD KIND OF LOOKED LIKE THIS:
SO AS YOU CAN SEE, WE FLANKED THEM PRETTY WELL. THE ONLY TROUBLE WE WERE HAVING WAS, WHICH NUKE SHOULD WE USE? POWERFUL OR SUPER POWERFUL? AJ TOLD DAN HE WAS GOING TO TAKE THE REST OF MT AND KILL EVERYONE THERE IF HE DID NOT SURRENDER. BUT DAN CONTINUED TO WAR NR. FINALLY AJ DECIDED THERE WOULD BE A BATTLE TO END IT ALL, AND TURN MT’S ONCE POPULATED LAND INTO DUST.
“WE WILL BE SENDIN IN R BEST SQUADS” AJ SAID IN A BIG ANNOUCEMENT.
“THAT WOULD BE THE FOLLING SQUADS: *AHEM* JAMEZ’S SQUAD, TOM’S SQUAD, JOE’S SQUAD,UM, THE MAIN CHARACTER’S SQUAD BECAUSE THE STORY WOULD BE BORING IF HE DIDN’T GO, AND UM, OH YES, THE MAIN CHARACTER’S RIVAL’S SQUAD, METANIC’S SUQAD, BECAUSE IT MAKES THE STORY MORE INTERESTING.”
IT WAS TRUE. METANIC WAS MY BIGGEST RIVAL IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, EVEN THOUGH WE WERE ON THE SAME SIDE. OR SO I THOUGHT. SEE WHAT I DID THERE? FORSHADOWING. SEE WHAT I DID THERE? BROKE THE FOURTH WALL.
THE ATTACK WAS SIMPLE. COME IN FROM THE WEST AT 5:00 PM WEDNESDAY, AND BE HOME BY FRIDAY SO WE COULD GO SEE THE PREMIRE OF THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT. MY SQUAD CONSISTED OF 5 PEOPLE. ME, THE LEADER, ZENKU, THE GUY WITH THE BOMBZ, ZARIF JR., ZARIF’S SON AND ALSO THE SNIPER, NINTENDOGIRL, WHO HAD MACHINE GUNZ, AND MEGIRL, WHO PRETTY MUCH JUST BROUGHT CRACK WITH HER SO WE COULD DO IT WHILE HIDING BEGIND SANDBAGS.
WE WALKED TO MT (EVEN THOUGH WE HAD CARS SO YTF DID WE HAVE TO WALK) THROUGH DESERT, STORMS, BLIZARDS, AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT CAN HAPPEN IN THE LOWER PART OF FLORIDA. AT LAST WE REACHED THE BORDERS OF MT. THERE, GUARDING THE BORDER, WAS NONE OTHER THAN ~MATT. HE SAW US WITH GUNZ AND SAID “HEY WATCHA DOIN WITH THEM GUNS”
AND METANIC SAID “DESTROYING MT”
AND I SAID “WHAT HE MEANS IS, WERE DELIVERING SUPPLIES TO MT.”
AND ~MATT SAID “UMWUT WAIT INO YOU UR FROM NR”
AND METANIC SAID “OSHI”
AND METANIC BLEW ~MATTS HEAD OFF. THEN I GOT AN IDEA.
“SOMEONE TAKE HIS UNIFORM AND SNEAK INTO THEIR WHITE HOUSE AND KILL DAN.” I SAID.
THEN ZENKU SAID “UM WE HAVE GUNS AND BOMBS, CANT WE JUST GO AND BOMB THE WHITE HOUSE WITHOUT THE UNIFROM?”
AND I SAID “YES BUT IT SETS UP A FUNNIER PLOTLINE IF WE DO IT MY WAY.”
AND ZARIF JR. SAID “I’LL DO IT. IMAGINE ME, STUPID AS HELL, TRYING TO FOOL THE GOVERNMENT. THIS WILL BE HILARIOUS.”
SO ZARIF JR. PUT ON ~MATT’S UNIFORM AND WENT DOWN TO THE WHITE HOUSE. MEANWHILE METANIC SAID “LETS GO INTO MT, AND KILL SOME PEOPLE CAUSE IT’S FUNNY.”
SO EVERYONE AGREED. SO THE 5 SQUADS MARCHED INTO MT. SHORTLY AFTER, TOM AND JOE’S SQUAD GOT AIDS AND DIED, BECAUSE THEY REALLY HAD NO USE TO THIS STORY. THEN JAMEZ SAID “WAIT IM THE HIGHEST RANK HERE, SO I SAY WE BLOW UP THAT TACO BELL OVER THERE.”
SO EVERYONE WENT TO THE TACO BELL.
MEANWHILE, AS I SWITCHED TO 3RD PERSON OMNISCENT AGAIN, A MAN NAMED TACO WAS MAKING HIS WAY TO HIS BUSINESS: TACO BELL. IT HAD BEEN HIS MOST PROUD EVENT IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE. A SUCCESFUL BUSINESS. HE COULDN’T WAIT TO GO TO THE TACO BELL TO SEE THE SMILEING FACES OF WHITE PEOPLE WHO ENJOYED EATING HIS TACOS. HE HATED THE WAR, HE HATED ALL WAR, AND WANTED IT TO STOP. SO HIS TACOS WERE AWAY TO RELEASE HIS EMOTIONS ABOUT THE WAR. EVERYDAY HE’D ASKED “AND WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ••••-WAR HOT SAUCE WITH THAT?”
HE FINALLY SAW HIS TACO BELL IN THE DISTANCE.
“THERE YOU ARE!” HE CRIED TO IT.
HE MARCHED DOWN THE STREET HAPPILY. AND THEN, HE SAW HIS TACO BELL BLOW UP.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! !!!!!!!!”
HE SCREAMED.
HE RAN TO WHAT WAS ONCE HIS TACO BELL. HE SAW JAMEZ, METANIC, ME, MY SQUAD, BUT JAMEZ AND METANIC’S SQUAD BLEW UP WITH TACO BELL BECAUSE I REALLY DIDN’T FEEL LIKE ADDING DETAIL TO THEM. THE TACO BELL WAS IN RUINS. TACO DROPPED TO HIS KNEES AND STARED AT THE GROUND. HE BEGAN TO CRY.
“WHO WOULD DO THIS….?!” HE ASKED.
“HELLO •••••• IT WAS ME WITH THE BOMBS RITE HERE.” ZENKU SAID.
“YOU DON’T KNOW WUT THIS TACO BELL MEANT TO ME” TACO SAID. “WHY’D U BLOW IT UP”
“UMCUS WERE FROM NR AND THERES A WAR GOIN ON” I SAID.
“WAR? WAR BLEW UP MY TACO BELL! RRRRRRARRRWDWRADARRRGGHHH!!!!!” TACO YELLED.
TACO RAN INTO THE DISTANCE AND WE COULDN’T SEE HIM ANYMORE. BUT SOMETHING TOLD ME WE’D SEE HIM AGAIN FORSHADOWING FTW. BUT ANYWAYS, LET’S GO TO ZARIF JR.
ZARIF JR. WALKED RIGHT INTO THE WHITE HOUSE. “HELLO, HAI” HE SAID TO EVERYONE.
FINALLY HE ENTERED DAN’S ROOM. ZARIF JR. PULLED OUT A GUN, BUT TRIED VERY HARD TO HIDE IT. DAN WAS SITTING IN HIS CHAIR DOING PAPER WORK.
“HI HOW CAN I HALP U.” DAN ASKED ZARIF JR WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING UP.
“YOU CAN HALP ME BY DIEING!” ZARIF SAID TRYING TO MAKE A COOL ONE LINER.
DAN LOOKED UP AND SAW A GUN POINTING RIGHT IN HIS FACE,
“SEE YOU IN HEAVEN-ER-HELL-ER-WAIT DID YOU REPENT-OR-UGH! JUST DIE!” ZARIF JR SAID.
AND RIGHT AS HE WAS ABOUT TO PULL THE TRIGGER, SKY CAME RIGHT UP BEHIND ZARIF JR, AND SHOT HIM IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD. ZARIF JR’S FACE EXPLODED ONTO DANS FACE. ZARIF JR FELL DOWN ON THE FLOOR, DEAD.
“GOOD JOB SKAI” DAN SAID WIPEING THE BLOOD OFF OF HIS FACE. “NOW THAT WE KNOW NR FORCES ARE IN HERE, WE SHOULD TIGHTEN THE SECURITY AROUND HERE”
AND SKY SAID “YES, AND SMAC WILL HELP PROTECT MT FROM NR.”
“YES.” DAN SAID. “YES”
SO BACK TO MY STORY, WE WERE GOING AROUND BLOWING UP FAST FOOD RESTURAUNTS, WHEN A WHOLE LINE OF MT TROOPS CAME DOWN THE STREETS. WE HID IN ALLYS, ME, ZENKU, METANIC, JAMEZ, NINTENDOGIRL, AND MEBALL.
IN FRONT OF THE LINES WAS DRAGOOMBA FROM SMAC. SMAC WUZ A SMALL GROUP OF SUPER SOLDIERS. JUST SEEING DRAGOOMBA MADE ME •••• MYSELF. THEN SEEING A BILLBOARD OF A NEW ICARLY EPISODE MADE ME •••• MYSELF.
“OMFG GUYS LOOK A NEW ICARLY EPISODE YES!” I SCREAMED.
DRAGOOMBA HEARD ME. HE SENT HIS LINE OF TROOPS DOWN TO OUR ALLY.
“OSHI NOW WERE GONNA DIE” JAMEZ SAID.
“NO!” MEBALL SAID. “I’M A MINOR CHARACTER, YOU GUYS GO! GO NOW, I’LL COVER YOU!”
SO WE ALL RAN DEEP DOWN THE ALLY AS MEBALL STOOD UP WITH HER MACHINE GUN. SHE SAID “K BEETCHES, WHO WANTS SUM??”
BUT THEN A GRENADE LANDED BY HER FOOT, AND HER FEET BLEW UP.
“IM STILL ALIVE!” SHE YELLED.
SHE BEGAN SHOOTING AT THE TROOPS, BUT BECAUSE OF SO MUCH CRACK SHE MISSED EVERY SHOT. THEN A GRENADE LANDED IN HER MOUTH.
“IM USF TO SMUCKING ROUND OMJECTFFF.” MEBALL SAID WITH THE GRENADE IN HER MOUTH, LEAVING THE READER TO DECODE WHAT SHE SAID AND THEN BE LIKE “OOOOH! NASTY! HAHAHAHAHAHA”
AND THEN THE GRENADE BLEW UP AND SO DID MEBALLS HEAD.
WHILE IT BLEW UP, YOU COULD HEAR MEBALL’S LAST WORDS “ATLEAST I ACTUALLY GOT MY OWN PART UNLIKE KOOKYMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMEEE!!!!!! !”
THAT’S ENOF 4 ONE CHAPTER.
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