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Bloodied Brush (For Nanowrimo) - 3 Weeks Ago

Well... Uhh... This is my Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month) entry, and as you can tell it's called Bloodied Brush. I will do my best to keep this updated as I write, although I frankly doubt I'll be able to finish the story by the end of November, but hey, I'm already 1/10th of the way there... Oh, by the way I cheated, don't tell anyone o;. Since I have about 10 pages so far, I'll go with updating every 1/2-1 week so I can at least keep slightly ahead of the updates. Now that this is over, I hope you enjoy reading, and are not dissatisfied by my writing =).

Contents

Prologue and Chapter 1 - All below.
Chapter 2 -
Chapter 3 -
Chapter 4 -
Chapter 5-

Okay, here it comes, I'll start with the prologue and a little of chapter 1, by the way, constructive critiscisms and any help in how to improve is more than welcome.

-----------------------------------------
Prologue: The Unknown Town

It was early morning, and dawn broke over the quaint and slightly futuristic town of Spurnsville – the place where the adventure begins. The town was much more modern than any of the other cities in the world – even Tokyo. Of course, no one knew about Spurnsville. If people found out about this wonderful safe haven, with severed ties from the rest of the planet, they might attempt to move here – which would make the town overcrowded. Originally, Spurnsville wasn’t a very good, or known town – it was like a hamlet which was ignored. Soon after, peasants (the really poor type) moved to the hamlet, making it slightly larger. Even more began to flock after they had found fertile land to plant crops. After that, the history is mostly legend – that is until he came. He was a scientist who wanted a town just for himself. He had the brain that swelled with the most intelligence, his eyes sparkling with a deeper understanding of the universe that no one else had. In one snap of his fingers and 10 minutes of work by his androids the base for a new life for the town was built. In another snap of his fingers, the peasants – even the idiots who didn’t know anything started to learn, they knew how lots of things worked, even the terrible wars going on, the bombings of the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, too. They didn’t have the understanding he did, but they understood what needed to be done. They began to build amazing structures, that in light of those; you could call structures like the giant robot in Japan barbaric. These structures were impervious to all natural disasters – death by fire, death by earth, death by wind, death by water – all ignored. These structures defied all logic and defined what it meant to understand how it works. No one truly knows what these structures look like, and what the other ones they built looked like (the city is somehow cloaked in a type of field). Even the descendants of their families have forgotten how the buildings have been made, but what they do know, is that they haven’t lost their touch, and that if you cross the barrier... It all ends. However, there is one individual, who would sacrifice all the work he did... The tale begins here – in this town – in this mystery...

(I'd also like to notify you that we may not look at him LOL).

Last edited by Shivam; 3 Weeks Ago at 06:02 PM..
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Re: Bloodied Brush (For Nanowrimo) - 3 Weeks Ago

Chapter 1: Part 1: Deja Vu (Note that this isn't the real title of the chapter)

The citizens and robots of the new town started to rise as if they were zombies as the new day approached, Sun dawning above them, looking out of the windows of their chrome coloured buildings, sometimes waving at their neighbour on the other side of the chrome coloured street. Chrome coloured cars were already rushing around on the Chrome road, sometimes sliding across the extremely slippery road and crashing into a building causing a good amount of pandemonium, and earning a yell from the owner of the building for scratching their invincible house. In one particularly large house – which you could compare to a mansion in America, a young 13 year old girl’s alarm sounded off in the reasonably large house, waking up all inside of the mansion. The girl’s name was Alice, she was in Year 9 of school and she was... well... the so called “boffin” of her year. Alice reached out for the alarm clock, missing it a few times before grasping it, and hurling it into her cupboard. The clockwork sprayed everywhere, the paint coating almost everything in a chrome colour.”Ugh... Stupid clock, I can wake up by myself!” Alice thought quite moodily. Alice was part of a noble family in Spurnsville; the family owned a lot of the land of the modern town. 45% of the land belonged to the famous Phinazee (Alice’s) family; the other 55% was distributed between shops, other prominent families, and the other, not noble families.
After brushing her pearly white teeth, Alice strode back into her room and checked how she looked in her mirror, to check what she looked like and if she needed to put on her expensive £200 make-up and mascara. It was a tradition of some sorts that she would check herself in the mirror before going downstairs to present herself to her prestigious parents, who expected her to always look fabulous. Alice was cool, and always calm. She was extremely smart which made her parents very proud of her, unlike the parents of that disgusting peasant Payne girl, who thought their child was the best ever, even though she was as imbecilic and looked as grotesque as a proboscis monkey. It made Alice feel wobbly whenever she asked herself, “how could someone so ugly and idiotic be loved?” she thought with a disdainful taste in her mouth. Alice looked at her long, wavy blonde hair, which seemed to be in order. Her hair was actually quite famous in her part of the city; many people respected her beautiful hair as if it was a deity. Of course those people were merely peasants; their opinion didn’t really matter, although it was nice to have people adoring her. She observed her cool, pale, amazing blue eyes. They looked dazzling, as always, Alice wondered how she could have beco-

An alarm clock rang out for a second time... However the feeling was different. A young girl reached up for her alarm clock, which she was surprised her family could afford such a luxury. Attempting to open her eyes, once the task was done the light began to seep into her eyes, temporarily blinding her. She smiled before realising it wa-
“DEJA VUUU?” The girl screamed in her room. She stumbled across her hard “bed” to find the partially broken mirror on her big, brown, ugly wardrobe, she still smiled at it – she loved that wardrobe so, even though it was the worst wardrobe anyone could have. The door was hanging off of its hinges again, this time the broken mirror, which guaranteed her seven years of bad luck.
“WHERE IS MY MIRROR?” The girl shouted to herself still smiling like a demented girl.
“Maybe it’s in my cupboard!” The girl mumbled, being optimistic. When she attempted to open the cupboard, the door hanging on its hinges, without warning, collapsed onto her.
“My Soull...” Were the only words she managed to spit out. Once the peasant managed to regain her conscious, she realised that she was under a door, a really heavy door at that.
“SAVE MEEEE!” She cried with a lot of melodrama, slightly laughing this time, apparently she thought this was one crazy joke.
“Wait... I don’t need to be saved when I have the power of peasants!” The girl assured herself that she could get herself out, by herself, after all she was a peasant. A rich girl who did not do hard labour, like Alice Phinazee couldn’t do something like this, still smiling, she started nudge the heavy cupboard door; it didn’t even move a nanometre.
“How to you feel?” An odd voice spoke. All of a sudden, under the door, a light started to glow right into the girls face.
“WHAT THE HECK?” The girl screamed, very mortified, into the wood, which seemed to splinter.
“Oh stop making so much noise.” The voice replied in reply of her reply. Just as soon as the light came, it went. But, when it left, it gave the small girl a store of energy. Enough energy to budge the door off of her? Nowhere near. HOWEVER! There was another way to get out of the door. To wriggle out of the smallest little hole, which was exactly the option the girl took. She took her hands and grabbed the old, dusty carpet, and began to pull herself out of this sticky situation. However, once her slightly oversized head managed to squeeze through the gap, the door fell onto her back. “Owwwww,” the girl squawked. She beamed her pearly blacks in happiness. Then everything went as black as her teeth.

Instead of waking up to an alarm clock, the young girl woke up to her mother’s shrill voice echoing throughout her house. “ALICIA, WAKE UP. IT’S YOUR FIRST DAY OF YEAR 9!” Alicia’s mother shrieked. Unfortunately, Alicia’s mother’s voice was not a pleasant thing to hear, it often hurt her ears to listen to it. She looked at her alarm clock: 6.23. Her alarm wouldn’t ring for another 3 hours, however she’d better get up or her mother would start to screech again. A few minutes later she found herself trudging into her vile bathroom to brush her yellowish teeth. She gazed at herself for a few minutes. She could have sworn that she had this moment before... Although she didn’t know when, if that wasn’t déjà vu, then she didn’t know what was. She blinked, and suddenly saw an odd looking girl with wavy blonde hair and a warming shade of Sapphire blue in her eyes – it looked like a fire was raging on in her eyes. Even her teeth, which were usually yellowish had suddenly reverted to the state of one those rich spoilt girls, who actually had money to spend on such luxuries. Even her braces were missing from her normally dirty mouth. She had to blink now, she couldn’t keep staring at this woman forever – although she wished she could. Slowly Alicia Verity closed her eyes and opened them again. The full process must’ve taken her about 10 seconds and made her think about what that was all about. Once her eyes were open again, she could see yet another reflection. This time she wasn’t surprised at all, instead she rolled her eyes like she didn’t care at all. Still, she decided to take a look. This was the entire opposite of the girl before, and even worse than how Alicia looked. Instead of Alicia’s honey brown hair, it was a murky, muddy, disgusting brown. Instead of Alicia’s warm-ish Sapphire blue, the girl in the reflection’s eyes were cold, and they didn’t have any expression, as if the girl had been oppressed her entire life. Yet the girl still smiled. Unlike Alicia, and the girl before, this girl was beaming a smile, although her teeth were the worst shade of yellow you could get – they were even turning black. Clearly the girl didn’t have money for braces, or any other sort of medical care for that matter. Instead of the prestigious clothes the other girl wore, and the middle classed clothes Alicia wore, the girl in the reflection wore rags, quickly sewn together. In contrast to the girl before, who looked like she was slightly anorexic, and Alicia, the other girl looked like an obese pig in their shadow. Yet she still smiled. Her optimism sickened Alicia to a small extent. Alicia strode out of the bathroom without brushing her teeth. For some reason she was furious... These girls... They were so similar to her, and yet they weren’t at the same time... What was going on? Why was it going on? Those were the questions that buzzed in her mind, trying to get into her mouth, so she would blurt them out idiotically.
“What’s for breakfast?” She asked her a bit nicer than she normally would. Her mother – who was actually looking very nice today – motioned at the bowl of cereal on the table. The box said that this cereal was the best brain food a young girl could get. Alicia rolled her eyes. As if she needed more brain power.
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Re: Bloodied Brush (For Nanowrimo) - 3 Weeks Ago

reserved .
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Re: Bloodied Brush (For Nanowrimo) - 3 Weeks Ago

Voted yes =P
Epic chapter, must have moar.
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Re: Bloodied Brush (For Nanowrimo) - 3 Weeks Ago

MOAR MOAR MOAR
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Don't mess with me...
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Re: Bloodied Brush (For Nanowrimo) - 2 Weeks Ago

To sum up everything in those two posts is .....
Epic

I want to say moar, but then Ill look like them ^

So i geuss, keep up the story.

MORE!!!
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Re: Bloodied Brush (For Nanowrimo) - 2 Weeks Ago

Thanks a lot guys =). It's nice to have some readers, I'll try to finish chapter two... then I'll post up a bit more of chapter 1.
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Re: Bloodied Brush (For Nanowrimo) - 6 Days Ago

I want MORE!
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