many choose to let their emoticons do the thinking for them

[drunkardeli]

its been i week since i last posted... time has passed, wounds have healed, and rashes have receded. everything including my thoughts has remained constant- unlike other usual habits that have abruptly ceased to exsist.
im getting worried... its been 4 days since i last took to my porcelain throne. and the capn's log on the 24th was barely worth mentioning.

.5cm in diameter, 3cm long. a light brown with textured dark spots. mildy unpleasant smelling. pinch off time: 4min and 49sec.

so i post to you, a broken man. in the throes of irregular BMs, at the mercy of this great brown beast, not even whole grain 100 can stave off this mortifying abscence of a neccesary (quite relieving) natural occurence.

i mean, havnt people died because of this!? everyday people are keeling over just like elvis, bare buttocks hanging high in the air with pants around the ankles. writhing in agony, exploding like over inflated balloons. this thing happens all too much.
and you, you take it so lightly. you dont think anything of it when you pop into the bathroom for a quick 5 min submarine launch do you? you think its a nuisance when u have to drop the kids off at the pool dont you!? you dont think about not being able to! you dont even think about the poor innocent people that everyday are plagued, humiliated, bloated, and killed by this atrocity! do you!?! i bet you dont even have good reading material in your bathroom...

well let me tell you- constipation is not a laughing matter. it hurts. a lot.
so next time you think of crackin off a zinger about the guy who cant poop, ask yourself: "what if i was the guy who couldnt poop? how would that destroy every aspect of my life?". and maybe then, you can get a glimpse of the pain i bear, and the living hell that consumes me.

in the meantime, ill be chugging prune smoothies, keeping you updated and in the know as the capn's log progresses live!

[drunkardeli]

yes, saddle up those brown pants boys and girls- its time for another exciting installment of a dead end story that is goind absolutely nowhere! prepare yourselves for the high octane action/adventure roller coaster tale of love and betrayel!!
what will i share with you tonight? an epic saga so obscenely awesome it makes the genesis story seem like jack and jill!? perhaps i will pique and titilate your fancies with my wild wondrous stories!? can you handle the pure exctasy, overwhelming joy, non-stop trip to fancy town!? or maybe i shall weave another tale pertaining to feces!! you have no choice- now you must know!! (im making this thread a mandatory read to every member of friendcodes)


well... i gotta come clean. i can no longer live this lie. the deep, churning of my stomache makes me sick with guilt and i believe... that the only way to remedy this... is to forfeit this hellish lie that has taken over my very being, and to confess to you (faithful, maybe half wetarded) veiwers, that I, the drunkest of the drunkards- have been perpetuating a fraud... so lowly am I, to hide among the cowards! the shadows may mask my face, but does not hide the great sorrow that i have come to bear each and every conscience second of this god forsaken life.
No longer shall i be among the numbered sick. The great perversion that has manifested it self in my desolate soul rips me apart from humanity, (and gave me ED) rendering my efforts to keep my sanity futile. im afraid im not long for this world now...

But now! Now is the time to cleanse! Regret not, the mistakes of the past- for the future is now!! Are you with me!?! by one we are nothing, banded together- we are a group of nothings!! Are you with me fair denizens of friendcodes!? Today is the day we forget bad blood, reconcile our differences, and fondle anonymous women!! Together, we can grope our way to better, more fufilling lives as we triumphantly march in our pursuit to satisfy carnal desire!! Our dream is in reach!! and united under one cause, shall we submit to the instinctive horizontal bump!!! (lmao)


(no feminist retaliation please. i am not a chauvenist. i didnt even make this thread. whos Drunkard Eli anyways (i bet he has a doctors degree and makes tons of money (he probably has like, a billion women throwing themselves at him ripping off their clothes (did i pay the utility bill? ( ive heard the Drunkards charisma level is at like, level agazillion (how many parenthesis can i put in here before people just give up trying to understand what the helLo im talking about (are you still reading this!? holy crap, i thought you woulve jumped ship by now (or at least read something has a point (or maybe wouldve shot ur computer monitor by now. anyway, I uh... uuuhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm)))))))))

[someguy]

seems the coffee has had quite a devistating effect on you, not only are you suffering from ED and constipation, it has also produced a tumor in your brain causing you to rambel string words together that make up pointless stories. Well I for one am no longer going to tolorate this sort of behavior. this absurdity has gone farther and longer than anyone could ever imagine. it is time to stop this senseless behavior. i ask you (the users of friendcodes.com) to join me by sighning a petition to stop drunkardeli's use of coffee. although i fear by doing so it would make him go mad, like taking crack from a crackhead, you just dont do it. but he must be stopped. he's filled out heads with meaningless hooey, made us read pointless stories, and made us eat creamed corn (via subliminal messages). any of you who wish to stop this madman from poluting our minds with gobbledygook please feel free to post something on the mega drunkardeli's admirers tubby awesome fan club clan community.

P.S. we are also still looking for goat watchers, everyone who has taken the job has caught a rare desiese that can only be caught by fornicating with radioactive super goats.......we beleive this is just a coincidence

[drunkardeli]

*_* I am Holy Lord Drunkard Elilonjeschietschlaoungu. I take no responsibility and lawsuits claims against me, about me, pertaing to- irrational, psycotic, and indulgent creamed corn consumption.
Give. Me. Oil.

@_@I am Holy Lord Drunkard Elilonjeschietschlaoungu! Your Gobbledygook is already within my grasp! You cannot control the overwhelming tide against you. The Intergalatic Senate, will pass the law, and you will cower in filfth as I, Holy Lord Drunkard Elilonjeschietschlaoungu, rain death from above with more poop jokes

Originally Posted by someguy

P.S. we are also still looking for goat watchers, everyone who has taken the job has caught a rare desiese that can only be caught by fornicating with radioactive super goats.......we beleive this is just a coincidence

*_* Is that what we are officialy declaring the cause of death as? I was not present at the meeting as it was of a very highly classified nature. I believe it was my bullets that I shot into them with my assault rifle was the cause of death






;)

[drunkardeli]

Dear Devoted Reader
Its been 2 weeks since I, Holy Lord Drunkard Elilonjeschietschlaoungu, imparted you with my gift- my post to you. My adoration goes out to you, my one beloved reader. For your fervent, if not fanatical loyalty to me never wanes- only to grow stronger! No matter how dire the straits, your zealous fanaticism remains steadfast!! So it is that I, the Holy Lord Drunkard Elilonjeschietschlaoungu honor you, the single veiwer of this thread, and let you know: I probably could've done this without you but it's nice that you're there anyways- my chum to embrace. My amigo to carve tunnels with! My pal to stomp chimpmunks with.
As I say goodbye I can almost not hold the tears from welling in my eyes. I assume shock has completlely overwhelmed me and has killed all emotions. But believe you me- the devastation is total, the remorse is great.
Until next time, my friend...

-The hick killer
Holy Lord Drunkard Elilonjeschietschlaoungu

[Pastapiggy]

i hate this thread

[theBLUEBIRD]

Originally Posted by Pastapiggy

i hate this thread

Why..?!
It's not hurting anybody.. And it's hella funny!!

[lolwut]

...lol? Never understood a word and I'm not bothered to read between the lines. Reading between lines is what you're forced to do in School.

[drunkardeli]

Dearly Beloved Reader
Your words of encouragement spur on my gifts- my posts to you- my dedicated veiwer. As you have implored me to do, I have posted yet again! Posthaste! The keys slam down upon the board- the desk shakes! The keyboard falls apart as my lightening key skills execute letter after letter with super human precision! Resembling the thundrous sound of a locomotive running over tracks, my post is taking shape! Taking life before my own eyes!! If it wasn't for you, my one beloved reader of this, then I would not have the inspiration to carry on making such lustrous posts!! Thank you once again- for your passion, for your pride! Without you, well, I'd probably do it anyway but I thought it would be nice to acknowledge you seeing as how no one in your family does...


;)

[Hiroko]

To be honest, I would rather people type out their words. Using good language ups respect for you and you seem smarter. Just one of the little pleasures in life.

That's why I usually type most everything and use a couple of smilies.